Becoming A Parent part 2 - What's In A Name?

When my wife became pregnant a second time I was much more cautious. I don't think I told anybody that wasn't close to me until 6 months into the pregnancy.

During the second trimester we learned we were having a boy. My wife really wanted a girl, I figured we'd have more than one, so whatever God gave us was fine by me.

We had discussed names for boys and girls. We took a walk around our neighborhood and concluded that we both wanted his name to be Alexander Wayne Autem. (I kinda wanted Alexander Augustus Autem, but Tracy said she wasn't going to have a son go by Triple A. I still kinda like it but Wayne has been in the family for more generations than I can count so we went with it.)

Since both me and my wife were teachers, we nixed any names that always meant problem child in the classroom: Johnny, Brandon, Bubbafuncho (long story). Alex students were usually good students - and we both had an Alexandria at the time who was an exceptional student.

But most importantly, Alexander means "defender of men". The Lord had recently convicted my heart about my support for abortion. My pro-life conversion wasn't without a fight but ultimately the Lord won. Having a child who would defend life, especially at it's most innocent and vulnerable, was of paramount importance. Hence, not only was his name chosen, he was also given a purpose.

In the months afterward I was constantly talking to Alexander. I would sing him songs - despite my awful singing voice. The ebullience of new life growing in my wife was uncontainable. Even my students noticed and felt my joy. Every day I found myself more and more excited to meet Alexander. Feeling his movement inside my wife, his response to my touch or voice - these moments drew Tracy and I closer together than we had ever been before.

Becoming A Parent

Having your first child is like looking out at the vast, unknown ocean and then setting sail. I was 29 when I got to hold my first. I imagine the younger you are, the more intimidating the experience.

When my wife first told me she was pregnant I was over the moon with joy. I sent out an email to everyone at work announcing I would be a father. My wife warned me that the first trimester is a dangerous time for new babies, but I wasn't concerned, miscarriages were a rarity in my mind.

Two months later, my wife miscarried. When I got the call at work, I couldn't stop sobbing.

That night I thanked God for this day. It's still the hardest prayer I've ever said, but I was sincere. I had faith that our Father would bless us through this sadness.

Later I would learn just how common miscarriages are. As a guy I never realized how many women have them - and that many of those women have experienced more than one.

I felt like an idiot when everyone at work would ask me how the baby was doing and I would have to tell them we lost the baby. I should have listened to my wife and kept my mouth shut.

The Lord did bless us with another baby very soon afterward. Sometimes I still wonder about the baby we lost. Will I see him or her in Heaven? My faith tells me that I will - and I hope all other parents who have lost children will as well.